Countdown to suicidal intentions

The status at 11.15pm, 8^th December 2010 read “Count Down for 45 mins… What should I do in this 45 mins?”

This was the posting on Alviss Kong’s, 22, Facebook page when decided to take his life after his girlfriend of four months left him the week before. He posted a farewell status together with a teary photo of himself.

In the ensuing minutes, up to 204 Facebook members “liked” his status post but no one stopped him or alerted his family on his suicidal intentions. But in retrospect, the only indication that the countdown was about his plans to end his life was his expression of love for his family members in a way he never did before, The Star reported.

“Please take care of mummy… and the baby too…” he wrote in a response to his sister, Chelvin Kong, 28. She tried to talk him of it but Alviss assured her that he was joking. A few hours later, his body was found sprawled on a car. Alviss jumped from the 14^th floor of his apartment in Cheras, Kuala Lumpur.

Then there was 17 year old Sally Lee, young girl from SMK Seri Kota Malacca that had posted a few messages on her Facebook page a fortnight before tragically ending her life. She had begun posting several comments since January 15, saying that this would be her last Chinese New Year.

The Star reports that on Friday, the second day of the New Year, she posted that she had planned to take her life last month. The following Sunday night, Sally wrote of a failed relationship and broken promises while reiterating to end her life. However, her remarks drew taunts and dares from her friends.

Her last posting on Monday, 3.45 pm, she reminded her friends to keep their promise of buying her a teddy bear and a coffin. She also told them not to miss her when she was gone and to take care of themselves.

On Wednesday morning, Sally suddenly walked out of class, went to second floor ledge of her school and fell backwards, suffering fatal head injuries…

If only someone had tried to stop them… if only someone had alerted their parents… if only someone had listened…

It is truly tragic when we hear of cases like this. Many might be quick to blame the internet for these kinds of behavior as teenagers today spend so much time on it. The findings reported from the Journal of Pediatrics say that no time spent online also increases the risk of depression among teens (The Sun).

Depression is not just about mood swings and melancholy. It is a serious problem that impacts every aspects of a person’s life. If we as adults grapple with difficulty dealing with these issues, what more for these young and inexperienced teenagers dealing with the magnitude of grief and pain.

Left untreated, teen depression is a serious problem that can lead to other problems at home, school, drugs, self-loathing and even irreversible tragedy such as homicidal violence and suicide.

According to the research, among the signs of depression are:

• Sadness or hopelessness
• Irritability
• Anger or hostility
• Tearfulness or frequent crying
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Lost of interest in activities
• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Restlessness and agitation
• Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Difficult to concentrate and
• Thoughts of death and suicide

Fortunately teenage depression can be treated. As a concerned parent, teacher or friend, the best thing you can do is to listen because it is a cry for help.

Although not a professional counselor myself, I have seen and heard sad stories from my students when they feel they have hit the lowest points in their life. Stories of breakups with boy or girlfriends, relationships gone badly, parents divorce etc. I’ve seen how these issues affect the brightest students and the ones you think are strong.

They know deep down inside that you can only give advice where relevant, hand them a box of tissues when they start to cry but most importantly if that you are there to listen to them. That, I believe is the first step in asking for help and that is also based on trust they have in you.

The common ruling for any university is to send these kids to the trained counselors. But there must be a reason why these students rather talk to you then a counselor that they do not know. I would be very disheartened if the opening statement was something like “in psychology, this conditioned…” I would have poured my caramel macchiato on the counselor…! And that would be such a waste of good coffee.

Talking about it and giving support goes a long way. The students that I have sat with during all those difficult times now share a lasting bond. We never truly forget the heartache we go through but we survive the pain and move on to hopefully bigger and better things. A good friend once told me, “You never completely recover, for to do that would require losing your memory…”

So remember:

“When a heart breaks, life’s vital force is also shattered and any inherent talent also flies out of the window. So, when gifted persons stop to sing, to act, to paint, to write and even to rule, their entourage should take heed of the crippling effect that can be caused by sentimental deception and grief”

Help centers (The Star):

Agape Counseling Centre Malaysia

Hotline: 03 -7785 5955/ 7785 5689/ 7781 0800

Email: agapemal@yahoo.com

Facebook: agapemal@yahoo.com

Website: www.agape.org.my

Befrienders Malaysia

Tel: 03-7956 8144 or 03-7956 8145 (24 hours a day)

Email: sam@befrienders.org.my

Website: http://befrienders.org.my/

LifeLine Association of Malaysia

Office tel: 03-9285 0225

Website: www.lifeline.org.my

kafe@TEEN

Website: http://kafe4teen.lppkn.gov.my.

Kuala Lumpur: 03-2693 7555 ext 2173, 03-2693 4555

Penang: 04-3314 795

For more information on centres that provide help for those with mental health issues, go to www.mentalhealth.org.my.